(Source: thecrazyfilipino, via eyessthatshinee)
When you’re little, night time is scary because there are monsters under the bed. When you get older the monsters are different. Self doubt, loneliness, regret. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.
(Source: skeletales, via eyessthatshinee)
I hate that I’ll just be a chapter in your life
Growing up I’ve always struggled with my weight. Now I was never 250 pounds but I am leading an unhealthy life style to the point were its just disgusting. Before I get into the details of myself i.e. my weight goal and such I will provide background that brought about this challenge. Also for my sake and for the sake of my self esteem and private life I will keep my identity a secret. So I should start where most people start. Why I am doing this challenge. Like most things driven in our life today my outward appearance is not what society expects from a person my age. No I’m not exactly hideous but I am definitely judged on my weight. I’ve been told many times which I will warn every who has every said it that being told that “I would be pretty if I was skinny” is not in any way a compliment no matter how you mean it. It is hurtful, and puts the idea in the head of the person that they are ugly and unattractive, not that they are attractive but flawed. No it will never be taken as a compliment because all we know now is that not only are we not attractive but we are also fat now, and to be pretty or attractive we MUST be skinny. So next time if you want to compliment us just do it on one feature that has nothing to do with our weight! Moving on as I was saying yes, I guess my face isn’t unattractive, and I have gotten some attention from guys, but I am by no means turning down suitors left and right. But when I’m being told by many guy friends and girls that I’m a great girl and guys just don’t see it or they don’t understand why I don’t have a boyfriend; I’m basically left with one explanation my physical appearance. I will say this with enough confidence that I know it isn’t my personality, because I know I get along with just about everyone, and I’ve been told I have a great personality. Plus if people actually went for personality like they claimed I would not have a problem then. This evidence along with the fact that I have talked to guys and had little flings not physical but emotional everyone of which has ended in heartache for me. So I have been hurt by guys and many have made me feel for lack of a better term like shit for what I look like or who I am. Well let me just say to them now, your loss. I will change I will accept this challenge, and I will beat it. Just to prove to you and to myself that while I know I am a good person on the inside I am and I will prove to you that my outside can be just as if not more beautiful than the person within.
Now the challenge. Along with my best friend whose name will remain anonymous we are planning to weight 150 pounds by June. Which may not seem like a lot which it’s not but its an improvement. By the end of this challenge the reward will be a vacation to London, England. My first real vacation every which won’t cost too much since she has family over there. Now I will start the actual blogging and weight entry tomorrow when I can accurately weight myself. I’m guessing I will probably have to loose about 30 pounds give or take a few. Now this may not seem like a lot and I would still technically be overweight but I figured loosing that much weight and being down to 150 pounds would be a great milestone to celebrate. But my ultimate goal is maybe 130 or fitting into a size 5/6 jeans. But mostly I just want to look in the mirror and not feel completely disgusted by what’s staring back at me. I have to come to terms with the fact that I will never be a size 0 and I truthfully don;t want to be I just want to be happy with my body and I know that I don’t want to be dieting the rest of my life. So what my ultimate goal will be is to loose all this weight and along the way adapt a healthy life style where I workout a good amount during the week and know how to eat right. Not only that but I want to get to a comfortable point where I can afford to splurge and eat pizza one night without wanting to kill myself or over indulge in senseless calories. So I will start my journey to a better me with the Summer 2011 Challenge, ready, set, don’t eat?… Unhealthily, go !
